Why the Oregon Militia (Y'all Qaeda) absolutley deserve all the dicks they were sent

First a little background: On January 6, 2016 a group of armed idiots took over the the Malhuer Wildlife Refuge in Harney County Oregon. Although it's become convenient to call them the Oregon Militia the groups real name, according to them is The Citizens for Constitutional Freedom and they come from all over the place. There leader is an asshat named Ammon Bundy who is apparently on a mission from God.

Ammon Bundy ~ Driven by God

That's right, he is on a mission from God. In case you didn't know this apparently God wrote the constitution of the United States on Stucky's napkins and gave them to George Washington. We have been messing with God's divine plan for all this beautiful land. How bad? The Bureau of Land Management (BLM) has dared to charge ranchers for using federal lands to graze their cattle. It's irrelevant that the USA charges them far less them they would pay on private land. Or that taxpayers will have to foot the bill to upkeep that land without those grazing fees being collected. These constitutional scholars think they should be able to use the land for free. Bundy's daddy Cliven has refused to pay his grazing fees and even had a standoff with the feds in Nevada last year over this very issue.

If that wasn't bad enough the feds also arrested two men, Dwight and Steven Hammond, for poaching deer and setting fire to federal lands in Oregon (That's not what they claim they did, but their own relatives say they were paoching). These winners were apparently trying to cover up a deer slaughter with a fire and burned a lot of Federal BLM Land. The were sentenced to prison, but for less then the minimum required by law, so the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals ordered them back to prison and they also lost their cattle grazing rights for two years.

Apparently this rilled up Ammon Bundy and the Redneck Militia that we are now call Y'all Qaeda or Vanilla Isis. They brought their guns to Oregon for a protest and then bravely stormed and took over an unmanned Wildlife Refuge and they have been there since and will not leave until the federal government gives up control of the wildlife refugee. They were vague about what they wanted at first, but now want the government to give up the land.

Okay so these dumb fuckers gave up jobs and left their loved ones to come and fight the good fight against what they feel is government overreach. Who do they want to control that land? No one is sure, How should there goals be met? They have no idea.

They are a bunch of idiots who want to play army. They are a bunch of seditious traitors who are wanting with all their little hearts to take up arms against their country. Oh, and the Hammond's... the guys these idiots are doing this for, have said straight out to go the fuck away. They don't want their help. At all.

This is Jon Ringlingbrother Ritzheimer. This guy is one of the Militia idiots occupying a federal Government Building in Oregon. He is a combat vet whose only sources of income are his GOVERNMENT disability check and his wife's job. He is a member of the Untied States Paramilitary Patriot movement and was a member of the Oath Keepers until he got kicked out. Wait a minute how the fuck do you get kicked out of the Oath Keepers? Oh, he wanted to arrest a member of the US congress. Apparently that is where the Oath Keepers drew the crazy line.

I could go on and on about Jon but instead I'll leave you with one final fascinating fact. He tried to raise 10 million dollars on a GoFund me page to either finance his life in hiding or challenge John McCain for his Arizona senate seat. 

The main takeaway from this is that Jon is getting disability checks from the government which he is now using to fight the government.

In fact a lot of these guys are on disability or welfare or other government programs. 

Apparently one of them was also in the foster kid business, He was getting over $100,000 a year for fostering four children, On the plus side that money came from Catholic Charities and not from our taxes but something inside of me is deeply cynical about someone whose main source of income was raising children who undoubtedly helped him work his small ranch.

His name is Robert "La Voy" Finicum and he is actually surprised the children were taken away. He is quoted as blaming pressure from the feds who, "must have gotten to the Governor, who told the state to take them away from there." Could it be because he is committing a felony? 

Finicum press conference after destroying supposedly hidden cameras that were in plain site.

Jon Ritzenburger Ritzheimer is right there grabbing 15 more minutes of fame with him.

Seems like a lot of guys with too much time and way to much paranoia got together to play military. Poor dumb overprivileged assholes with too much time on their hands. Willing to follow anyone who will lead them against the government they blame for everything.

So far we have allowed these asshat insurgents to come and go as they please. The government has taken a very low key approach. These assholes have removed cameras and added at least on road to the refuge, destroying public lands. We have done nothing. They have called for reinforcements. We have done nothing. They called for snacks. That's when the Internet started mocking them. That's when the Internet started sending them sex lube, and sex toys. That's when the Internet started sending them dicks.

Jon responds to a good dicking!

They have been called Y'all Qaeda and Vanilla ISIS and those names seem to fit. As I said Ammon Bundy believes this is his divine purpose. He is being driven by God, just as ever religious zealot is. And like any good religious zealot he has found many willing to follow him. So the names fit. They are the American Taliban.

They are also poor fools who think this rich man is acting in their best interests. Ammon Bundy is the son of a millionaire. These are not people fighting for the rest of us, they are fighting for the 1% as fools throughout history have always done. Cliven Bundy is not some small rancher getting crushed by the Government. No! he is a super rich asshole who just doesn't want to pay his fair share. Make no mistake if it wasn't for the BLM these lands would probably already be used up. The Bundy's and this militia are not just trying to take this land from the government, they are trying to take it from all of us.

And that's why they all deserve a big bag of dicks!

No one is coming for your guns (unless you are an idiot or worse)

I'm not against guns. One of the biggest lies you the right believes is that all liberals want your guns. I'm sure some of us, the extreme ones, do indeed want to disarm you. That is not all of us though. It's not even most of us.

That's not exactly accurate either though. We do want to disarm some of you. If you can't even admit that some people should not have guns then yeah,  maybe you are one of them, maybe not. Why is it that you can't even admit that much though. Why the hell can't you say, "Some people who can get guns just should not have them!", until after the tragedy occurs?

Of course your biggest weapon in this little fight for gun rights has apparently become internet MEMEs. Ridiculously stupid internet MEMEs and if you took half a minute to think about the bullshit your posting you wouldn't do it. Sorry, that's a lie and I know it, you idiots will post anything that even remotely agrees with your ammosexual agendas.

Let's start with this one.  We don't blame the guns and we don't blame responsible gun owners. Let me repeat and reiterate that, liberals do not blame the guns! You dumb asses really need to stop saying that.  We blame easy accessibility to guns by deranged and violent people, many of whom seemed to be fine until they became deranged and violent.  We blame the fact that anyone can go to a gun show and get a gun without a back ground check (or could before a couple weeks ago).  That's what we blame. Not the gun. 

However if you dumb asses want to stick with that analogy.  We require people to have drivers licenses and insurance to operate a car.  We recognize that the car is inherently dangerous and we require certain conditions be met before it is used because we know it had the potential to be used incorrectly and kill people. If you drive a big commercial vehicle we require even more. Big truck drivers have to have specialized training and follow rules designed to prevent them from accidentally killing hordes of people. Big trucks equal big rules and guns should be the same way.

The Second Amendment of the United States Constitution reads: "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."

The words well regulated are the 2nd and 3rd word of the damn amendment. Regulation doesn't mean they are coming for your guns. It doesn't mean they are trying to disarm you. It means using common sense to try to keep guns out of the wrong hands. This was in the constitution that you right wing morons are supposed to think is sacred (It's not by the way, it's a living document and it was meant to be changed).

You will try to get around this by quoting (or misquoting, since you never seem to properly source your quotes) to one or more of the founding fathers.

Real quote by Jefferson

Fake quote by Washington.

Really? Someone really thinks this is how Washington talked? 

It sounds more like a Bushism.

Are these quotes true? Maybe. I don't know, but even if they were, so the fuck what? Thomas Jefferson didn't write the fucking constitution all by himself. Those amendments were contemplated, fought over, and voted on just like in congress today. Get that through your head, they fought about these things. There was no magical agreement between all parties. There was no psychic rapport that made them all agree with each other. Quotes you read from founding fathers represent one person's view. What matters is the wording that actually made it into the Constitution of the United States of America, and nothing else.

Now let's discuss this bit of stupidity right here...

It's true, criminals do not follow the gun laws. It's also true that thieves don't follow the burglary laws and rapists don't follow consent laws. So by this logic lets get rid of rape and theft laws. Why not, if the bad guys are not going to follow those laws anyway, why the fuck do we have them?

Oh, wait... maybe, just maybe, it is so that when they do break the laws we can arrest them, prosecute them and incarcerate them. You think... you think maybe laws exist on the books so they can be enforced? That seems like a novel idea. I'm going to say that yes we should have laws even though we know criminals will disobey them. I think that's a dandy idea.

The above quote from Jefferson may have been true at one time but seriously do you really think your little AR-15 could defend you from the government? You can go down fighting, but I think when you see the tanks and helicopters coming after you what you will actually do is shit your tea party patriot asses. They are not coming for you anyway but if they did you wouldn't stand a chance. Not a chance. 

Not even a little one.

I made this one just for you!

Syrian Refugees and the lies we tell to stop them.

There are a lot of MEMEs out there trying to confuse otherwise smart carring people into thinking the USA taking any Syrian refugees is the wrong thing to do.

Many are playing on the idea that we have to help our own people first. Many of the people spreading these ideas didn't give a damn about the homeless, veterans or the elderly until they needed a reason to deny help to a group they like even less. In other words they are using the people they didn't care about last week to stop the people they don't care about this week.

America is the greatest country in the world because it cares about people. Our at least that's the way it should be.

So let's talk about some of these MEMEs.

On the surface this one seems pretty on target.  Why would we deny our seniors a cozy of living increase.  That's outrageous.  Completely  ridiculous.

Until you realize the cost of living didn't go up last year. I mean the actual cost of living. It's called a cost of living increase because the coast of living has to go up to receive it. With the economy in recovery the cost of living went down last year.  That's why there is no cost of living increase.  It has nothing to do with refugees, dumbass!
 
From the Social Security Website: Cost-of-Living Adjustment (COLA) Information for 2016. With consumer prices down over the past year, monthly Social Security and Supplemental Security Income (SSI) benefits for nearly 65 million Americans will not automatically increase in 2016.  

This one. Wow.  Yeah it truly does stuck that we are not taking care of our vets.  If our president thinks it's right putting refugees before vets he is very wrong.  I won't stand for this bullshit and neither should you. 

Except, it's the Republicans in the Senate that keep voting down aid for our vets. Democrats have put up many bills to help vets.  The president has publicly supported those bills and the Republicans have killed them.  In fact the GOP has voted at least seven times to not support the troops.

The same republicans who want to deny entry in to the US to Syrian refugees are the people denying aid to vets. The same people. 

If you told me two of them were poisoned? Depends, how do you know any of them are poisoned? Are you the damn grape expert? No, you are not the Syrian refugee expert either. So far we have not been attacked by a refugee. The right might want to claim the Tsarnev brothers were refugees, they were not. They were immigrants, not refugees. The vetting process for refugees is two years. Over 50% are rejected. Apparently it's a pretty good process.

Well except for this guy. Apparently I am way off base. That vetting process really screwed the pooch when it let this jack off into the country. In fact I take it all back! The only way to stop terrorists is to ban these foreigners.

Wait? What? He was born in the USA? Born in Arlington County Virginia? He wasn't vetted because we don't vet our own citizens? It's clear what we have to do then. We have to stop letting US citizens immigrate to America. That'll teach us.

Or, we can stop living in fear and be America.

How to Troll liberal blogs - For Dummies.

Sooner or later if I ever get any readers I will eventually get a troll.  I'm looking forward to it.  That being said there is a proper way to troll. If you want to do it successfully you will at least attempt to follow the rules.

1) Make sure that you disrespectfully refer to the twice elected sitting president of the United states as Obummer, Muslim in Chief, That Mentorship or Dear Leader. Other right wing asshats may not know who you are talking about otherwise.

I actually saw someone refer to the president as that Kenyan Islamofacist Socialist today.  That was some good trolling right there.

Nothing makes your point better then insulting the president.  Feel free to use this hilarious trolling picture.

2) USE ALL CAPS.  IT'S KIND OF LIKE YELLING, AND WE ALL KNOW THE LOUDEST ASSHAT WINS!

3) Use bad grammar.  I'm no expert either but try, you on the other hand do not have. If you spell liberal as libral, librel, labradoodle or whatever trust me every other 4th grade reading level teabagger will still understand and respect you. I'm not talking about something simple like using the wrong form of your or you're, heck everyone occasionally does that.

4) The only sources you should use are brietbart.com, the blaze and little tiny right wing news sources no one has ever heard of.

5) Make sure you tell me my sources are all part of the liberal media.  Even if I source factcheck.org, heck even if I source Fox News or the Wall Street Journal. If I use it then it must be a lefty rag.

Follow these simple rules and you will be well on your easy to successfully rolling this or any other liberal blog.

I'm what's wrong with the Middle Class!

I work 90 hours a week in the oil fields of West Texas. Literally 90 hours a week and I can barely make ends meet for me and my family. Isn't that just ridiculous in this society? I make rich people richer and barely see my wife and kids during my two week on hitches.

And if I don't get my 90hrs I can't afford my bills and put myself deeper in debt. It's not easy work either. We have no scheduled breaks 12-15 hours a day on most wells. God forbid we take a vacation day. When we do we get paid 8 hours straight time. Every day of vacation I take costs me several hundred dollars in pay. My employer even schedules my 14 day hitches to start on Tuesdays just to get out of paying one day of overtime (my hitch ends on Monday).

Everyone around me is right wing and can't be made to understand that they continually vote against their own self interests. Sly politicians have convinced them to vote for non issues instead of something that could actually help them. They keep the middle class poor and make the poor absolutely destitute and somehow have convinced people it's the poor people's fault.

It's not the poor people's fault. It's just not. You idiots want to cry and whine about welfare recipients. They are not getting your money. Corporate welfare is not paying their share. The rich are dodging their taxes so you have to pay more and more and more. You cry about welfare cheats when very few exist. You cry about drug testing that actually costs more then it saves. You call these people lazy and tell them to get a job, but at the same time you are against giving them a living wage.

Wake the Fuck up! There was a time in this country when hard work got you somewhere. Now all it does is line the pockets of the rich! My grand parents bought a nice home and raised 6 kid's on one 40hr a week income. Stop letting them steal the American dream and making us their bitch!